Vatican: “Jesus Not Coming Back By The Looks Of It”

A spokesperson for the Vatican officially announced that the second coming of Jesus, the only son of God, may not happen now after all, but urged followers to continue with their faith. “We just feel Jesus is not coming back by the looks of it,” he said. “It’s been ages like he’s probably flat out doing other really good things for people somewhere else.” The Vatican defended Jesus’ broken promise, claiming “he was probably drinking wine” at the time when he made the comments (referring to John 14:1-3). “Having the ability to turn water into wine had its ups and downs,” added Cardinal Salvadore. “We all make promises we can’t keep when we’re drunk. Jesus was no different.”

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